in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
