can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
