After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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