He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
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