I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
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