Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
The light burnt out and he thinks the power is out in the whole house. He is cooking a hog dog over two candles. I'm gonna see if he'll make me one
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
