I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
Randomize
