remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
But if you move out who will get drunk with me on the roof and yell at boys?!?
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
