i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
