While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
