someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I want to have your abortion
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
You know youre getting old when you I.D. the person trying to take you home to be sure they're over 25. Help me.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
