when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
This is my gift to your gina
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
