I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
Randomize
