He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
