I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
