I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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