Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Spent 20mins wondering why my roommate wouldn't answer after we were pounding on the door.....Def went to the wrong building.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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