There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
we def had a heart to heart that turned into a BJ last night
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
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