p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
