we're chasing vodka with high fives
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
You got banned for life from a $30 a night motel. What are you doing with your life?
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
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