I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize
