tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Randomize
