I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
