this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
