So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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