I looked at my own cervix.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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