It was confusing and full of hummus
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
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