You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
did i just pee glitter
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