So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
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