I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
