just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
I LIKE NICE BOXERS OKAY!? COMBINED WITH A GLORIOUS DICK JUST MAKES THIS EVEN BETTER. WE MOVE IN TOGETHER AND THAT PIC'S GETTIN FUCKING FRAMED.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize