; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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