Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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