Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
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