So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
