why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
