is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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