so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
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