i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
