morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Your liver needs more exercise - we start training tonight.
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
Drunk is a universal language darling
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