I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
If I'm not up by 8, will you please knock on my door?
That depends, can you stop texting me while you're masturbating?
Touche.
I CAN STILL HEAR YOUR VIBRATOR.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
