My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
