yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
