He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Randomize
