I need help removing her.
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
