Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
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