i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
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