update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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