considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Randomize
