I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
